Are Kids Fighting at School? 5 Ways to Know if Your Kid is Involved in a Fight

I met with a close friend one time, and she told me of a problem with her child getting into fights at school. I was surprised knowing how well behaved her son was. She was also shocked when the teacher called her to school and explained the situation.

Though I do not expect my child to get into fights at school, the idea itself gave me a warning. Kids fighting at school are pressing matters, and there are several reasons why these instances happen. It is crucial for us parents to get involved more and understand our children.


Reasons Why Kids Fight At School

When it comes to quarrels, there are two kinds of people involved. Either you become the attacker or the victim. Sometimes, children can be both an attacker and a victim, depending on the reason behind their quarrels.

5 Causes of Fights in Kids

  • Seeking Attention – Children needs attention, and they will do anything to have it. Though they mostly need parental attention, children also seek attention from authorities, if they lack it at home. Once they cannot gain positive attention, they will resort to fights or do bad things since they know that you see them if they do wrong.
  • Being jealous – Kids can be jealous of another if they see something lacking on their part. It can be a talent, things, attention from teachers and even friends. When a child sees his lack of something good that is often praised in another kid, he is likely to develop a jealous feeling and can lead to fighting.
  • ​Inborn temperament – Humans are born with an aggressive side. Children with a higher temperament tend to express their aggression by fighting other kids. It can either be instigated by a tension between them or an outburst from a previous cause such as being scolded at home.
  • Family Issues – Children are affected by what is happening at home. When their parents fight, they feel the negative emotions thus will entice them to fight others as well. Children who also face family issues like separation, loss of a loved one or favoritism are likely to express their anger through fighting.
  • Conflicting personalities – Personalities of our children differ from one another, and often, these are the reasons why they fight. When one kid does not share the same interest or viewpoint of another, they will end up in a conflict.
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How to Know if Your Kid is Involved in a Fight

Kids will not tell you when they are in a fight. The wrong thing they did, not to mention the shame of being scolded, will seem too overwhelming for them to be honest with you. However, it is up to us to identify the signs that they have been fighting so we can intervene and help them deal with the situation.

Signs that Your Child is Fighting

  • They become violent when they do not get their way. Children will get angry easily when they get a “no” for an answer. Because of the conflict they had at school, having another negative episode can instigate aggression.
  • They do not want to share anything that happened in school. Kids will tend to avoid bringing up the issue about the fight hence they would rather not share anything than allow you to know about it.
  • ​They do not want to talk about certain classmates or friends at school. Kids become uncomfortable talking about a person they had fought with especially when there are still negative emotions felt for the other child.
  • ​They are aggressive to their siblings, cousins or friends. Some kids will take it out on their siblings especially if they are not close to each other. The aggression they built during the fight is taken on to a safer zone, which is often their sibling, a passive friend or someone younger than them.
  • ​They justify their bad behavior. Children may tend to see a positive light on the bad behavior they did and will encourage you that they are the victims in the situation. They do so to get your empathy and save themselves from punishment.
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Dealing With Fights at School

When a teacher calls you to school because your child was involved in a fight, don’t panic. First, keep an open mind about the situation since you haven’t heard the entire story yet. Second, clear your head of certain assumptions especially judgment towards your child or to the other kids involved.

Your Role as a Parent

  • Listen to your child. Even if he did start the fight, there is no reason for him to feel all alone especially coming from you.
  • Talk to the teacher or principal. Come in between your child and the school since your kid may feel overwhelmed by the guilt of being in a fight and having to face punishment or scolding from the school.
  • Implement proactive discipline. Proactive discipline is giving related consequences to the wrong actions. Rather than scolding your child and planting judgment to his personality, enforce consequences based on what he did wrong such as being grounded for a few days or going straight home from school. Make your child feel that you understand him and his feelings but do not let him feel like a victim since that will encourage his bad behavior more.

The Role of the School

  • Call the parents immediately when aggression happens. Teachers must immediately inform the parents when their child manifests any signs of anger, negative tension or detachment. Dealing with the situation earlier is helpful.
  • Understand conditions at home instead of putting the blame on the child. Talk to the parents first what may be the cause of the child’s involvement in a fight. Know if there are causes at home that may have instigated the aggression of the child.
  • Partner with parents when it comes to child discipline. Attaining good discipline must be done both at home and at the school since the sphere of influence of a child depends greatly on both places. Also, parents can help teachers understand and know their children better especially when it comes to their behavior, needs, and talents.
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It is hard to hear that our kids are fighting at school. The pain they may feel, both emotionally and physically, can be damaging to their personalities and may affect their future. As parents, we must be more proactive when it comes to the welfare of our children not just in their studies and physical needs but also regarding their emotional capacities and social influences.


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